Bedtime pro tips: How to make bedtime easier for school-aged children

Bedtime with kids can feel like an Olympic event — minus the medals and with more pajama-related competitions. One night, things run smoothly. The next, your child just decides they  must now protest bedtime with the strength of a tiny shot put champion.

At this age, children are exploring their own preferences and newfound independence. They're also still learning to manage transitions, especially going from something exciting (like being with you) to something less exciting (like winding down for sleep). The good news? A few simple strategies can go a long way in making bedtime more peaceful for everyone.

In this article, we’ll explore how to make bedtime easier for school-aged children, give you insight into bedtime battles at this age, and answer frequently asked questions about getting kiddos to sleep.

Why bedtime can be challenging for school-aged kids

For many 4 – 5 year olds, bedtime can bring out a variety of less-than-desirable behaviors — anything from negotiation to full-on meltdowns.  While this phase is common, it can quickly become a nightly battle if underlying factors aren’t addressed. That’s because bedtime struggles at this age can be influenced by a mix of developmental factors. As children grow more independent and imaginative, their sleep needs and ability to push back shift. Understanding what’s behind the resistance is key to helping your child (and you) get better rest. Here are some common reasons bedtime can be tough for children:

Developmental factors 

Children at this age are learning to assert themselves. They’ve discovered they can make decisions — even if their parents choose something else. Bedtime is a prime opportunity to practice their new CEO skills. This often looks like a child who insists they’re “not tired,” negotiates extra stories, or suddenly needs a glass of water. These aren’t just stalling tactics. Think of them as while also needing the predictability and connection that routines provide. A consistent bedtime routine helps meet both of those needs: it gives your child a sense of control (“I get to pick my pajamas”) and signals that sleep is coming.

Sleep struggles can also be tied to a misaligned schedule. Around this age, many children have or are transitioning away from them, which can throw off their nighttime sleep. If bedtime is too early, they may not be tired yet. But if it’s too late, they can become overtired, leading to meltdowns and second winds that make sleep even harder. According to the Academy of American Pediatrics, the recommended amount of sleep for a preschooler (3 - 5 years old) is 10 to 13 hours []. So if they need to be awake for school by 6 AM, they should start winding down for bed by 7 PM or 8 PM. .

Physical factors

Between the excitement of the day and natural bursts of evening energy, it's no surprise that some 4 and 5 year olds seem to speed up when bedtime gets close. While this surge or “second wind” is completely normal, it can make winding down challenging. This is where a consistent bedtime routine can help your kiddo’s body shift from high energy to rest mode. (More on this later!) 

The sleep environment itself also plays a big role. Bright lights, noisy toys, bedrooms full of distractions, exciting conversations, or lingering screen time can make it harder for children to feel relaxed at bedtime. Creating a space that’s cool, dark, and quiet can support better sleep. Even small adjustments like blackout curtains or a can make a big difference. The goal is to make their bedroom a place where rest feels easy and natural.

In general, making the transition from play to sleep can be tough for kids this age. Their imaginations are vivid, their social drives can be strong, or they’re deep into pretend play or games when bedtime rolls around. 

Emotional factors

Big feelings don’t stop when the sun goes down. School-age children may worry about monsters under the bed or missing a parent once the lights go out. These feelings are valid and developmentally typical. Reassurance, routine, and connection can go a long way. 

A bedtime routine that includes extra snuggles, a non-blue nightlight (red or amber lights are less likely to impact circadian rhythm), or a special phrase like “See you in the morning” can help your child feel safe and supported during this vulnerable time of day. 

The importance of routines at bedtime

So how can you make bedtime smoother? Try a bedtime routine — or try modifying if you have one in place already. A consistent sleep schedule is more than the mechanics of getting your child ready for sleep. It can be the key to helping your kiddo regulate their emotions and behaviors too. Research shows that structure, such as starting the bedtime routine at the same time every day and going through the same steps (in the same order), positively impacts kids’ behavior []. Pushing through the initial resistance of setting a routine may seem counterintuitive — who wants to add stress at bedtime? — but doing so can lead to fewer challenges in the future.

Bedtime routines also make your child feel emotionally secure. Your little one feels safe by knowing what to expect, when to expect it, and how you will react during each step. Our kiddos look to us for security,  especially at bedtime when there’s a long period of separation from you coming, between bedtime and morning.

In fact, one study from 2022 indicates using routines with 2 - 6 year olds can serve as a protective factor from future mental health struggles []. Think of routines as the bumpers on bowling lanes. While you can’t control the end result, you can create structure to help your child move toward success.

Read on to find out why routines might be the missing piece in your child’s sleep puzzle.

How routines set the tone for transitioning from playtime to sleep

• They offer predictability. Knowing what comes next helps children feel safe and in control. Similar to how we like to pick the same routes to drive to work, school-aged children like to know what to expect and how to get there (destination: bedtime!).

• They help ease the transition from playtime to sleep time. A routine that includes a “wind-down” window, such as reading or cuddling, helps move your child from the excitement of play to the calm needed for sleep.

• They cue the brain and body. Repeating the same steps each night tells the body it’s time to slow down []. This process strengthens connections in your child’s brain. As your child repeats the same behaviors every night, their brain reinforces the link between those actions(like brushing teeth and reading a book) and the act of falling asleep.

• They reduce anxiety. A familiar rhythm can help soothe or worries. Your child learns what to expect each night which can ease worries about .

• They build independence. Letting your child choose pajamas or take turns brushing their teeth gives them a sense of ownership. Even though you are in control of when they go to bed, they can decide which stuffed animal to sleep with and that can be empowering to a kiddo.

• They improve sleep quality. A calm, structured routine sets the stage for deeper rest. Research shows bedtime routines are connected with fewer night awakenings and longer lengths of sleep [].

Pro tips for bedtime routines  

Tip #1: Use a visual timer or other visual cues

Kids at this age need support to understand abstract concepts like time and multi-step tasks. Making these ideas tangible can make all the difference. Whether it is a laminated checklist or a dry erase board, walking them through each step — and giving them the satisfaction of checking it off or erasing it — can boost their confidence and their willingness to cooperate. Stickers may work wonders at this age as well!

Tip #2: Make bedtime an Audio Adventure

In the crusade for control, sometimes changing up who leads the charge at bedtime can create less friction. Consider enlisting a dragon or a mermaid to help your child.

If you don’t have a magic wand, let alone the real estate to house a dragon, we’ve created an app to help. ®️ is a personalized audio guide that turns routines into an adventure. Brushing teeth turns into a treasure hunt and picking PJs becomes a royal quest. Add the steps and your child gets to pick the theme of their journey to sleep.

Tip #3: Do “heavy work” before bed

Actions like pushing, pulling, and lifting (“heavy work”) stimulate the body’s sense of position and movement, helping kids feel more grounded and calm before sleep. A short burst of physical activity in the early evening can also help release pent-up energy and reduce anxiety, making it easier for their bodies to wind down later. Think jumping jacks, a dance party, pushing a full laundry basket around the house, or even an obstacle course made from couch cushions. 

When used intentionally, exercise can be the bridge between a chaotic day and a calmer night. (You’ll know structured movement before bed has helped because your child’s body will feel more relaxed. They’ll be less inclined to bounce off the walls or fidget in their seat.)

Here are some other movement ideas to try:

• Pushing against a door

• Pushing a heavy laundry basket around

• Animal walks back and forth across the hall

• Crab walking

• Hands and knees crawling

• Push ups

• Planks

• Jumping jacks

• Jump over a line and back

• Structured 3-step obstacle course

Tip #4: Give them structured choices

Young children crave autonomy, but too much freedom can feel overwhelming. Offering structured choices can give them a sense of control within safe boundaries. This could look like asking: “Do you want to wear your blue pajamas or the striped ones?” or “Should we hop like a bunny or run like a cheetah to bed?” It’s a simple way to build cooperation while reducing . The key is keeping choices limited and age-appropriate so they feel empowered without feeling lost.

Tip #5: Use music to calm their heart rate

Soft, slow-tempo songs can actually help slow a child’s heart rate and encourage deep breathing, which both support emotional regulation []. Find a few go-to tracks from sweet lullabies to a playlist of instrumental music.

Tip #6: Follow the same timing each night

Ideally, you and your child should begin the bedtime routine around the same time each night. Choose an age-appropriate bedtime that allows your child to get enough sleep before waking up at your desired time — then work backward to plan the evening. Build in a wind-down period of at least 30 - 45 minutes in a dimly lit environment. The routine doesn’t need to be followed to the minute, but consistency can make a big difference.

Tip #7: Embrace trial-and-error

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to helping kids regulate their emotions and wind down for bed. What works one night might flop the next — and that’s OK. Tuning into your child’s cues and staying flexible helps you find what truly resonates with them. This process also models problem-solving and resilience, skills they’ll carry with them far beyond these early years.

How to handle bedtime resistance  

Bedtime resistance is incredibly common, especially in kids who are growing more independent and curious by the day. You may be doing everything “right” and have a flawless bedtime routine but still experience challenging bedtimes with your kiddo. That’s normal and expected. However, finding the right mix of structure, connection, and calming tools can make bedtime feel less like herding cats — at least some nights.

Be consistent 

Kids thrive on predictability. Try to follow their bedtime routine in the same order each night. For example, some families do: bath, pajamas, brush teeth, story, 10 minutes of cuddles, lights out. Over time, these predictable cues become signals that help regulate their internal clock and ease the transition to sleep.

Set limits and offer reassurance  

It’s often necessary to set firm, loving boundaries around bedtime. That might mean only one more book, one last drink of water, or a clear “tuck in and stay in bed” rule. At the same time, kids often need reassurance that they’re safe and connected to you. A simple phrase like “I’ll check on you in 5 minutes” or a comfort object like a stuffed animal can be the difference between arguments in the hallway and a peaceful goodnight. Boundaries work best when they’re paired with warmth.

Deep breathing/calming activities  

Helping your child’s body relax can make bedtime smoother. Try deep belly breaths or a gentle stretch before climbing into bed. A calming activity like coloring or listening to soft music can also help make settling for sleep feel less like a chore. 

Set realistic expectations 

Not every night will be perfect, and that’s OK. (It doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job). Some kids take longer to settle, especially if they’re going through big changes or have had a busy day. Aim for progress over perfection. Bedtime is a skill that gets easier with time, practice, and a lot of patience.

Takeaway

• Bedtime resistance is completely normal for 4 - 5 year olds. Their independence, imagination, and energy levels are growing rapidly. Understanding the developmental, physical, and emotional reasons behind those bedtime battles can help you respond with more empathy and strategy.

• A consistent bedtime routine supports emotional regulation, improves sleep quality, and helps your child feel safe. 

• Tools like visual schedules, structured choices, and short bursts of movement can make a big difference in cooperation. Try pairing these with sensory supports like music or a comfort object to help kids ease into rest.