Dealing with nighttime fears in children: Overcoming fear of the dark and monsters

Nighttime fears in children are incredibly common — many children between the ages of 2 and 12 will develop a nighttime fear at some point. Often, they manifest as a fear of the dark or monsters. While normal, nighttime fears may lead to bedtime struggles and disrupted sleep, which is often difficult for kiddos and the rest of the family.

In this article, we’ll take a closer look at what nighttime fears are and how they can impact your child. We’ll also give you strategies you can use to help your child overcome their fears so everyone can get a better night’s sleep. 

IN THIS ARTICLE:

What are nighttime fears?

Nighttime fears are when children become scared at night — of the dark, monsters, etc. Even as adults, we can sometimes get spooked by things that go bump in the night! Children may develop fears for various reasons, including exposure to scary ideas on TV shows or other media, ideas from older siblings, and their developmental stage. They tend to peak around the preschool and early elementary ages because that’s when children’s imaginations really start to develop. []

General nighttime fears often start around age 2, then by 12, most kids have outgrown their fear of the dark. [] Dealing with your little one’s nighttime fears can be tricky, but these feelings are quite common. One study [] found that over 70% of children ages 4 to 12 have them. In the study, the fears were common in kids ages 4 to 6, and they tended to peak between ages 7 and 9. The fears typically remained constant through age 12. 

Note that night fears are different from nightmares, which occur during sleep. can start as young as 6 months old and tend to peak between 3 and 12 years []. Some children also experience , which are episodes of screaming and often flailing, however, during night terrors, your child is still asleep. Children are typically scared during their nightmares and can recall them, whereas they do not remember having night terrors. 

Impact of nighttime fears on children

Nighttime fears can have an impact on your child’s sleep. They may lead to bedtime resistance and cause sleep disturbances as well. Some kids also use fear to stall at bedtime, so it’s important to balance between reassuring your child and not reinforcing their fears. Though being scared at night is different from nightmares because it happens while your child is still awake, it can lead to nightmares and periods of night waking. 

Nighttime fears are a natural and normal part of development for most children, with 90% of them outgrowing them. In about 10% of cases, nighttime fears may be linked to an anxiety disorder, offering an opportunity to address these concerns early and help children develop healthy coping skills []. 

Some nighttime fears can become more disruptive to your child’s life. If kiddos wake up frequently at night or have trouble falling asleep, they might become overtired during the day. This persistent lack of sleep [] can make it hard for them to function normally and affect their mood, performance in school, and physical well-being []. However, most fears are mild, and you can help your child manage them with some of the tips below. 

Tips for managing your child’s nighttime fears

There are many ways you can help manage your child’s nighttime fears, support them, and give them strategies to cope. However, if you notice any red flags when it comes to your child’s fears or if you just feel like you’re unable to help them, consider seeking support from your child’s healthcare provider or a mental health professional. Red flags may include panic attacks, significant sleep loss, prolonged difficulty sleeping in their own bed, and missing out on daytime activities due to fear. If the fear is related to a real traumatic event that your child experienced, that could also be a reason to seek help. 

Here are some tips for managing nighttime fears:

• Reassure and validate their emotions

• Seek to understand the fear

• Evaluate their media consumption

• Stick to a normal routine as much as possible

• Evaluate your child’s sleep schedule

• Stay close by for comfort

• Provide tools for empowerment

• Reinforce their positive behaviors

• Teach coping skills

Find more details below:

Tip #1: Reassure and validate their emotions 

When you’re helping your child manage their fears, showing empathy can make a big difference. Even if the fear seems irrational to you, the fears are very real to your child. You can help them feel more confident by validating their feelings and offering reassurance that their fears are normal and understandable. However, it's also important to strike a balance by not reinforcing the fears. Gradually encouraging independence will help your child learn to cope with fear without relying solely on your presence for comfort.

Consider telling them about a time when you felt scared and explain how you overcame your fear. You could try saying something like, “I remember being scared of monsters in my closet when I was your age too. But now I know that monsters aren't real. What helped me feel safe was holding my special blanket, and eventually, I realized there was nothing to be scared of. Do you have something special you’d like to hold while you sleep to help you feel better?” 

You can also reassure your child of your presence. For example, you might say, “I’ll be in the other room if you need me, and I’ll always make sure you’re safe.” 

Tip #2: Seek to understand the fear

Talk to your child about their fears during the day and keep the lines of communication open. By doing so, you may be able to uncover where the fear came from. For example, there might be a doll in their closet that they don’t like, or a stuffed animal could be casting a scary shadow on the wall. Try asking open-ended questions to get to the root of the fear. Even if they’re not able to articulate much, listening and showing you care can be comforting. 

Tip #3: Evaluate their media consumption

Take a close look at any . Sometimes, even shows, movies, or apps that are meant for young kids can have “scary” elements or can contain something that your child’s imagination turns into a fear. For example, a movie might depict a villain that is scary to your child, or an app might show stormy and ominous skies. Often, things that don’t seem scary to adults are scary to kids. 

Tip #4: Stick to a normal routine as much as possible

While you validate your child’s emotions, stick to a normal sleep routine as much as possible. If you don’t already, follow a calming bedtime routine. Try to turn all screens off at least an hour before bed, and find what helps calm your child and transition to sleep time. For many families, this involves taking a bath, reading a book, and/or cuddling. These activities can help them feel confident and secure. Consider adding a new component to your routine that might help your child overcome their fears, such as listening to an audiobook of a favorite story before bed or saying goodnight to a comfort object. 

Part of sticking to a routine also involves setting limits. Consistency can help children feel secure (even if they resist) and can help in situations where kids are using nighttime fears to stall at bedtime. 

Tip #5: Evaluate your child’s sleep schedule 

Going to bed at an optimal time can make it easier for kids to fall asleep. Following an can help ensure your child’s tired enough for bed but not so overly tired that they have trouble falling asleephelp make bedtime easier. Preschool-aged children (3 - 5 years old) typically need 11.5 - 12 hours of total sleep on average, while school-aged children need at least 9 - 10 hours of sleep. Overtiredness can increase the likelihood of , which can contribute to nighttime fears. 

Tip #6: Stay close by for comfort

Depending on the intensity of their fear, your child might ask you to stay in their room until they fall asleep. It’s OK to give them the extra comfort they need! When you’re close by, your child feels comforted and your calm presence might be all they need to ease their fears. 

Some parents will stay present at bedtime to build feelings of safety and security as their child falls asleep. If you're aiming for independent sleep, you can gradually reduce your presence once their intense fear subsides. Try this by gradually moving a little bit closer to the door each night. You could then use check-ins, where you say something like “I’ll be in the next room folding clothes, and I’ll check on you in a few minutes.” Continue to check in periodically until they fall asleep. 

Tip #7: Provide tools for empowerment 

Some simple adjustments can help your child feel more secure at night. Ask what will help them. For example, they may want a night light or their door propped open at night. For fire safety [], just make sure you go back and close the door once they’re asleep. This can help protect your child in the event of a fire. 

A stuffed animal might bring your child comfort and can help them feel like they have a special protector. You could also offer a calming podcast, audiobook, or music for them to listen to as they drift off to sleep. 

A may help your child feel more comforted, too. If you put a night light in your kiddo’s room, try to find one that doesn’t emit blue light. Blue light can suppress melatonin, making it harder to fall asleep. 

Tip # 8: Reinforce their positive behaviors 

Positive reinforcement can go a long way in helping your child and encouraging desired behaviors. Don’t forget to praise them and reinforce their positive behaviors, too. For example, you might celebrate in the morning if they stay in their bedroom all night. Some parents even like using a sticker chart or other reward system to encourage their child. They might earn a sticker each time they stay in their bedroom all night and then get a big prize when they earn 10 stickers, for example. 

Tip #9: Teach coping skills 

There are a variety of techniques you can try to help ease your child’s fears. Note that it might take some trial and error to find something that helps your child. Here are some ideas:

• Try a with your child

• Practice positive self-talk with your child; have them repeat affirmation phrases like “I am safe” or “I can do hard things” 

• Practice exercises

• Give your child a comfort object to sleep with (if age-appropriate) []

• Practice being in the dark at non-sleep times; play flashlight tag or have a glow stick dance party

Takeaway

• Nighttime fears are normal! Over 70% of children experience them by the time they’re 12 years old. They typically peak in early childhood. While typically harmless, persistent nighttime fears can affect a child’s sleep, mood, concentration, and physical and mental well-being. 

• When helping your child overcome their nighttime fears, aim to offer support without reinforcing them. By talking to your child, you might be able to uncover the source of their fear. Sometimes, a simple fix can alleviate fears, like restricting their access to a scary TV show or moving an object in their room that’s casting a spooky shadow on the wall. 

• Consider offering your child a comfort object to sleep with or using a nightlight in their room. Relaxation and coping strategies can help as well, like walking your child through a guided meditation or practicing deep breathing. Your child’s fears are very real to them, and it’s OK to do what you need to do to help them feel safe and get quality sleep. However, if their nighttime fears become overwhelming and lead to persistent overtiredness, consider reaching out to their doctor for guidance.